I Wish
by CloudieSky27
Summary: "I've been kicked, punched, shot at, thrown dynamite at, broken ribs or other bones, even stabbed. But this beat it all. This is the worst pain I've ever felt." "I have no reason to love anymore. I have no happiness; no joy; no love. It's gone." 1827 D18


It hurts. Watching you with him. We were happy weren't we? Did I do something wrong? Was I not good enough? Did I not make you happy enough?

I'm sorry I couldn't do those things for you but . . . Why?

Why did you have to hurt me so? I loved you. I still do. But I shouldn't. I can't.

Because you love him now. I am not yours and you are not mine anymore.

But who knows. Maybe we never really were together? How long had that been going on for? How long were you going behind my back for?

Did you ever plan to tell me? Or did you just want to lead me along the whole time.

**-Flashback-**

_I was so excited. It was my birthday and I only wanted to spend it with you. I ran to the reception to see you. You were my happiness. Before Reborn came, you were everything to me. Even after I made so many great friends, you were still the greatest thing that ever happened to me. _

_ I thought you felt the same way, until I ran into the reception room that day. _

_ "Kyoya I-" _

_ I couldn't finish my sentence. My eyes widened more than ever and my heart broke. It shattered. You shattered it. You burned it to ashes and scattered it. I've lived through ridicule and humiliation my whole life. I've been bullied for more than I can remember. I've been kicked, punched, shot at, thrown dynamite at, broken ribs or other bones, even stabbed. _

_ But this beat it all. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. _

_ There you were, on top of Dino, kissing him, with his hands up your shirt. You both accepted every touch you gave each other with no hesitation. No guilt. _

_ Before I knew it, tears were flowing down my cheeks from my brown eyes. Did you plan this Kyoya? You knew I was coming here. You told me to come here. Is this why? Were you planning on crushing me?_

_ And Dino. My supposed big brother. Did I hurt him in some way for him to do this to me? _

_ I could feel it in my chest. I've lost everything. I don't need friends if you aren't there with me. I don't need anything other than you. I could be dying and instead of saying I don't want to die, my last wish would be to see you. _

_ But I guess the feeling wasn't as mutual as I thought. _

_ "Tsunayoshi what are you-" _

_Kyoya started talking but I could already feel my tears drying. My eyes are left dull. If I can't be with you, then I won't be with anyone. I guess happiness was too much for me to ever ask for. I'm Dame-Tsuna after all. I'm unlucky and I never do anything right. So why did I expect and hope for us to always be happy together?_

_ "I'm sorry for interrupting you Hibari-san, Dino. I'll go now," I interrupted him. I don't have the right to call him Kyoya anymore. There is no love in those words anymore._

_ He got up and walked to me, reaching out his hand to hold my cheek. But I backed away. I don't want this anymore. "Don't," I said._

_ Dino also got up and walked towards us. He looked guilty now. But for what? He just wanted happiness, even if hurting me was the consequence. But if he knew or cared that I would be hurt, he wouldn't have done it in the first place right?_

_ "Little bro. I'm sorry. This is just-"_

_ "What do you mean Dino? What are you apologizing for? You just wanted to be happy right? You're happy with each other? Than you should be together. I'm sorry for getting in your way. I'll take me leave," I interrupted him as well. I turned around and started to walked away until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to see its owner to find Kyoya._

_ Why does he look regretful? He should be happy right? I'll be out of his way now. _

_ "Please let go of me," I said. He must have noticed it by now right?_

_The sadness, hurt, pain, betrayal. That's all that's left._

_I have no reason to love anymore. I have no happiness; no joy; no love. It's gone. You took it. All of it. I gave it all to you, hoping you would keep it forever and give me the same in return._

_But I was wrong. I'm Dame-Tsuna. I don't deserve any of those things. I realize that now._

_I chuckled lightly which clearly caught them both by surprise. It was void of any emotions._

_My eyes only reflected the pain I feel now. But I don't want everyone to know. So I'll just hide even those emotions from everyone. I'll be blank. Just walking aimlessly. There is no point to anything anymore._

_"Happy birthday to me huh," I mumbled. I moved so his hand would slide off of my shoulder._

_"Goodbye Hibari-san."_

_I walked Namimori randomly. Everyone I passed, I ignored. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to cry anymore. I can't cry in front of everyone._

_Alone._

_I just want to be alone._

**-End Flashback-**

It's been a few months since then.

They're still together, as if nothing ever happened.

It hurts to see them together. Hibari-san is too proud to, but Dino doesn't care to be affectionate in public. They hold hands, hug, and kiss.

In front of me. Whether they know it or not, the do all those things.

I don't know how much more I can take. I've tried to accept their relationship but it's so hard.

Its hard watching the person you love with someone else. Seeing them happy while you suffer. I hide my pain but it still hurts.

I've kept my emotionless mask for so long and I can already see the cracks in it.

This mask won't last much longer. Soon it will fall and all of the emotions I've held in will explode. I decided to smile again. As long as it will ease everyone else's mind.

But it's an empty smile. I've lost my ability to give happy, bright smiles.

Everyone has tried. Reborn, Gokudera-kun, Yamamoto, Mom, Onii-san, Kyoko, Haru, Basil, even Dad, the Varia, and the Ninth came to try and cheer me up.

Heck, even Byakuran and his family along with the other Arcobaleno and Enma with his family tried.

But it's not the same. I lost my heart. Its gone and its never coming back.

I can't take it anymore. It's too painful. The way Hibari-san looks at Dino and vice versa.

Did Hibari-san ever look at me like that? I can't remember. It feels so long ago.

And now, it's October 14th again. But who cares? They try to celebrate my birthday but I just lock myself in my room.

Today isn't a day to celebrate. Its the day my mask finally breaks.

I cry and cry and cry. The more I cry, the more I can feel whatever was left that I could salvage of my heart, slip away. Every tear that fell to the floor was the last of my sanity.

This has to end. I can't continue this lie. I can't keep pretending I'm okay.

I'm far from okay.

What's the point of living if I've lost the will. I've lost my reason to live and I know I'll never get it back.

I locked the door to my room. Reborn can sleep in a different room tonight.

I started writing down everything I felt. About how every waking moment, I only wish I could have what Dino has.

I'm so selfish. That's what I wish, but I didn't take anyone else's wish into consideration.

But I guess that's what I've become.

Heartless. Selfish. Nothing.

I am nothing.

So the next day, instead of going home after school, I went to the school roof.

Everyone is most likely gone by now. That's good. I don't want anyone here. I stood at the edge, looking over the side of the 3-floor building.

It's windy today. I wonder if anyone would miss me. Maybe some people.

But I'm selfish. I don't think about them while I stand here. I think about my pains and troubles. How easy it would be to end everything right now. Just one step is all.

All of my suffering could end now. That sounds nice. No more mask. No more lies. No more hurt.

Just as I'm about to take my last step, a voice stops me.

"What do you think you are doing herbivore?"

When was the last time I heard the voice directed at me? Seems like a long time ago. Has it really only been a year?

"Hello Hibari-san," I reply.

"What do you think you're doing there? Move now," he demanded.

Move? Why? I'm so close to peace and I'm even being denied that? What can I have?

"I can't. I can't move. I can't stop. I can't live. I can't be happy. I can't. Not anymore," I reply.

"Tsunayoshi move from there now. You are being stupid," he said to me.

I am stupid. Stupid for not doing this sooner. I shook my head. "I can't do it anymore Hibari-san. I can't keep pretending everything is fine. . . Its not fine."

"Tsunayoshi. Please just don't jump," he says. I can tell he's worried. But why? He has no reason to be.

Oh yeah. I'm on Nami-chuu grounds. I can't soil the school. Hibari-san wouldn't be happy if I did.

"I'm sorry Hibari-san," I say as I back away from the edge. He sighed in relief. I guess he's happy I didn't ruin school property. I was able to make him happy.

I walked to the stairs and exited the roof. As I walked down the stairs, I slipped. I guess there was water there. But I don't remember much. Just that I blacked out.

Hibari heard a crash and ran for the roof's exit. It took him a few steps to realize what happened.

Tsuna slipped and fell down the stairs.

He ran for the brunette boy, hoping he only received a concussion or a small bump on the head.

But Tsuna's body was getting colder by the second. He searched for a pulse but, there was none.

Tsunayoshi was gone. For good. He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. Of course it was his fault. If he hadn't made the mistake of cheating on him with Dino, Tsuna would still be happy. He would still be the adorable and cute brunet with large, loving brown eyes and bright smile. He was the reason Tsuna lost all of that and he knew it. He was the reason Tsuna wanted to kill himself. He was the reason the brunet was in so much pain and could no longer smile.

He ran to the hospital with Tsuna in his arms, hoping the could still save him. Although his mind and heart already told him it was too late.

At the hospital, they told him exactly what he knew. Tsuna was dead.

The hospital contacted his mother and Reborn, who spread the news to everyone else. Soon the hospital room in which Tsuna's corpse lay was filled with crying family and friends.

But that didn't matter to Hibari. Not when Tsuna had a peaceful and happy smile on his face.

Tsuna was happy. He was finally happy. The moment he slipped, he knew how it would end.

He wouldn't wake up again.

But held so much regret. So many things he wish he could do before he died. But before his death, as he felt more and more numb, he felt hands hold him.

His eyes opened a fraction. Not enough for the person holding him to know, but enough for him to make out who was holding him.

With all of his energy, he smiled. A true smile. A smile no one had seen for a year. It had been far too long. He forgot how happiness felt.

Although he couldn't achieve most of his wishes, one last wish that was granted was more than enough for him.

I got to see Hibari before I died. His face will be the last one I see. My wish. . . Its been granted. . .

_To whoever will see this,_

_I'm sorry. I couldn't take it anymore. It hurts too much. I lost everything a year ago and its clear I'll never get it back._

_But that's okay. He is happy. Everyone else is happy. That's enough for me. I just want to be happy again. I may not deserve it, but it's all I want. It's all I've ever wanted since that day one year ago._

_So I've decided to end everything. I hope you can forgive my selfishness. I don't deserve such great people in my life._

_Please don't worry about me. I want you all to live happily. Don't let me get in your way._

_And too Hibari-san. I love you. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy enough before. I must have been a real burden to deal with right? Haha. But it's okay. I don't blame you or Dino-san for what you did. I forgave you both a long time ago._

_But I couldn't be the same. Even if I did forgive you, I couldn't pretend to be happy. I wasn't._

_I'm not._

_But that doesn't mean you can't be._

_Please live on happily and I'm sorry._

_-Sawada Tsunayoshi_

_Soon after Tsuna's death, Hibari was found hung in his room. The pain and guilt finally got to him. He was buried next to Tsuna._

_Herbivores,_

_I can't take it. Tsunayoshi is gone. The only person I truly loved with my very being and soul, is gone. And it's my fault._

_I couldn't make things right. I refused to ask for a second chance. I would have begged if needed._

_But I didn't. I let him carry such sadness and for that, I don't deserve happiness. None of it._

_So I've decided to my life. There is nothing left for me here._

_-Hibari Kyoya_

**I am being serious when I say I cried while writing this. It was so sad! I never thought I'd right about character deaths but here I am! Writing stories that even make me cry while I write. Well . . . it isn't really hard to make me cry. ANYWAY! Here is another one-shot. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Please review and tell me what you thought! And no mean reviews please! **


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